bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
