I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
