just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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