VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
