Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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