he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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