I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
