I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your penis caused this!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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