You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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