thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
