Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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