Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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