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Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
