What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
