There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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