It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
