i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
