All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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