Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
