remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
