:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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