the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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