Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
