She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
