you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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