what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize