Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
