He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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