I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
