Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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