Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize