You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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