the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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