I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
