How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
