I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
