I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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