She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
