I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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