wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
