I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just had sex bonerless
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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