yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
