I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
