what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
