6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
