You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
