A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
