is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
