And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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