I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
