Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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