The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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