i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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