Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We named our party play list daddy issues
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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