I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
