you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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