no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
