I must be too annoying 4 u.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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