so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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