Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
