I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
