i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
