I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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