I heard we made out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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