you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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