fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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