Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
