i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
