I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
