Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
