I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
