he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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