I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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