We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
