I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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