Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
