i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
