I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
