Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
