I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
