No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
