I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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