You smell like stripper and shame
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
