I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
