Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
