And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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