how can u be prego again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
