I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
