Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My feet surprised me
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