I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
