eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
