We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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