I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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