Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
