So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
