Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
