I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
