Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
