he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
