what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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