I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
