so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
