Sponge bath it is.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
